Growing up during the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s without internet, cell phones, desktop computers, etc., sometimes I wonder, how did we survive? I’ve had these life-changing, necessary devices for as long as they’ve been available – 30 years ago I purchased our first home computer. Sometime in 1996 or so, dial up phone service called America Online was introduced, a less than an ideal internet connection, but nonetheless, it was all we had! What it did for many, was open up the opportunity of working from home. We were able to use this technology to earn an income, mixing family and work life! How exciting! (Never mind if it was midnight, and was exhausted, when I completed many of my reports…). The very nature and origin of social media was to create networking connections, both personally and professionally. I recall using American Online chats to keep in touch with friends, activities and sports for the kids, and connecting with family that lived far away. It was a blessing!
Then, 2003-2004 ushered in MySpace, this was the first social media my kids became interested in. Because this also was new to us as parents, I recall being concerned with issues that could arise. The introduction of cell phones brought the same panic, as I recall. It didn’t take long to see the utter chaos that could be instituted by the youth of that time. The bullying that took place on playgrounds of yesteryear, was now brought up close and personal. What was slightly different, is that people could somewhat hide behind a keyboard, which, in my opinion, created a new level of gumption. Spouses were able to carry on secret indiscretions, often through unsavory chat rooms. Then, all the porn sites that seemed to pop up in our email and on our computers without much warning. All could be done without their families or friends knowing anything was amiss
In 2004-2005, LinkedIn and FaceBook followed soon after. Once the young persons sensed parents were catching onto MySpace, they jumped ship to FaceBook, and the rest is history. I recall scanning social media conversations between my kids and whomever was on the other side – and having to gently intervene, without ever divulging how I knew. That, and allowing sleepovers, was how I could keep my finger on their pulse. We had to resort to detective work to keep them safe. We had to step up our parenting skills, when we had no prior experience with these potentially harmful modes of communication. The scariest part of all was that we had no idea who our kids were communicating with or who meant to cause them harm. We were damned if we did and damned if we didn’t. Kids thought it was invasion of privacy, and other adults thought you were irresponsible if you didn’t know everything going on.
Adults were slow to catch onto FaceBook, but as soon as they did, the kids moved on and latched onto Flickr, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Most likely in an attempt to escape the attempts at parental intervention. Cell phones were taking off, as well, and not for adults only. Kids of all ages were scampering to get these pocket sized computers Schools knew they were fighting a losing battle, and the techier instructors were incorporating cell phones into their classrooms. As for parents, we had a way to “keep in touch” with We had digitalization coming on scene in phones, cameras and computers with pixels at our fingertips! Life was changing so fast and all we could do, was grab a hold and try to maintain some semblance of order in our homes.
The last 40 years has been a technological evolution. I don’t say that lightly, it really was. And here’s the most amazing part – the millennials were leading the way. They were like the alpha dogs in a pack – dragging their parents down the proverbial street. Our kids were learning things, and being exposed to parts of life way earlier than we ever were. Sex, drugs, violent video games, pornography, R-Rated movies, cable TV, all available for their viewing pleasure, as well. I haven’t even scratched the surface of what was occurring in our homes, communities, schools, work places etc. We lived it, it was right in front of us, but parents and teachers could do nothing about it – the information highway was here. Yes, even our best of intentions of limiting these sources of information, installing parental controls, to no avail. Ask me how I know….I tried that. Refused to buy violent video games, Rated R games and movies, refused to allow the TV and cable to show those programs. My son would come home from the neighbor’s house who had older brothers and sisters, and had watched and played them all. I do believe these events have led to a shift in the American family. Both parents are working, stress builds up trying to juggle family life and work, anxiety sets in with so much to digest. We’re raising a generation of anxiety ridden children.
Everywhere you look these days, social media seems to be bringing out the McNasty in people. Fast forward to 2019, we had the #metoo movement, and that shook us up both in the celebrity world and in our community involving Dr. Nassar from Michigan State University and the young gymnasts he abused. Then, 2020 ushered in the mother lode of all viruses, smack dab in the middle of a US presidential election, followed by the Black Lives Matter vs All Lives Matter debate and most people have a plethora of things to argue about. Where do people go to voice their opinions? Social media, of course. Name calling, derogatory remarks about people’s mental processes, values and morals are being questioned, you name it…. Grown adults who can’t be civil with one another, and yet we expect a high level of respect from our young children. We expect our teachers and schools to fill in the gaps and create calm amidst chaos. If you are on any platform of social media, you’ve witnessed this for sure, or been the recipient. Someone posts an opinion or point of view about a news worthy item, and the spears come blazing. I’ve been on the receiving end of these interactions. Not often, because my relationships with the people in my life are more important than being right. People are quick to judge our responses and to attack, maybe because it’s difficult to get people’s overall intentions through text or the written word. Emojis were supposed to help convey the intention, just not sure it carries over. I have censored myself. My intention in any social media interaction is not to offend, but to share.
The other aspect is, I share things that aren’t necessarily my opinion, but if I find an article interesting, I share it. My 20 something year old daughter can’t understand this. “Why share something you don’t follow or believe,” she said. I explained that just because I find something entertaining or interesting, doesn’t mean I take a stand for it. It’s just as I said, funny or entertaining. If I thought it was, surely someone else may have a laugh too. However, it is never my intention to tell someone how to think or what to believe. I wouldn’t do that. It’s what makes the world an interesting place to see how others interact or react to certain matters of the heart. But, to literally attack others for the way they view the world is toxic and unproductive. For the majority of posts this year, with all the chaos of 2020, I’ve felt that individuality and perspectives aren’t welcome. We must let others have their own thoughts and ideas. Doesn’t make them right or wrong, and it doesn’t make us right or wrong. I mean, really, who appointed us judge and jury?
Politics has definitely played a role this year. I feel the whole political arena has progressively gotten nastier with the invention of social media. Not just with the Trump-Biden era, but much earlier than this. It’s been more apparent over the last three presidential elections, starting with the sensational election and news stories involving Bill Clinton. It’s not all the presidential candidates fault, it lies with our community politicians, as well. I seriously cannot listen to any of it! I turn it off and I DVR most programs. We’ve grown into this bi-polar state of division between Republicans and Democrats, so what one party stands for, everyone jumps on that bandwagon, and vice versa. UGH. Everyone must take a side, and if you don’t? Ohhh, there’s another problem. It’s unacceptable to be neutral, or to see things from both perspectives. It starts at the top of our leaderboard and rolls downhill – it doesn’t matter who’s in office! Both sides are equally as disgusting. There’s a lack of understanding as to the purpose of both political parties. We’ve lost all touch with the purpose of having leaders, and are doing this all wrong. Here’s the main problem, we’re letting the politicians who will receive lifetime benefits on the backs of the working people in America, to drive these wedges. Our country needs bipartisan leadership, but we will never achieve this, because of the division being driven by politicians and biased news sources. All they’re doing is creating job security.
In terms of businesses, locally speaking, social media can help them flourish, and simultaneously cause great harm. Politics is playing a huge role in this, as well. If you vote the Democratic ticket, you must be against businesses. Conversely, if you vote the Republican ticket, you must be against the labor workers. We need bipartisan support, because we need BOTH! Voicing our complaints about businesses, or politics involving businesses, on social media is being driven by people who sit behind their keyboard and pass judgment on those daring enough to provide a product or service. Keep it up and there won’t be any businesses out there to provide products or services we need. We all have had less than stellar service at one point or another, give the manager or owner a chance to make it right. No business wants to have unhappy customers or employees, at least none that I know of. However, it can get exasperating trying to please everyone, overall businesses want to do their best.
Violence is also being spread worldwide, thanks to social media. We have people bullying others to the point of committing suicide. Protests, riots, looting and violence have been sparked, more lives are lost. Innocent businesses are being destroyed. Often, families, couples and friendships are falling apart, all for the sake of being right. Someone believes something exists, and therefore, anyone who questions it, or has another perspective, must be wrong. Angry mobs are merely looking for reasons to rise up, for the sake of being part of some type of movement. These forms of violence also are created by a few keystrokes from people just looking to wreak havoc.
Children are causing other children to commit suicide, just by their bullying online. Bullying has exponentially grown through our youth, but all we need to do is watch their parents to see where it comes from. Road rage, domestic violence, taking your frustration out on the shop keeper…. How are we treating other adults? We are an angry nation, and not afraid to be so. That’s what’s frightening. It doesn’t take much to see where it’s all originating. Grown men are soliciting children for their sexual deviance and criminal activities. Sex trafficking is happening right under our noses, as children are disappearing from their neighborhoods. Young women can’t jog in parks, for fear of not coming home. Our police officers are being attacked and disrespected, and yet must be warriors to go into the violent nature of our neighborhoods and homes. This is a serious social dilemma. All made possible by misusing social media and the internet. Don’t blame Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Jobs for creating these venues, as they are absolutely genius inventors – but I doubt they ever thought they’d be avenues for the violence we are seeing against our own people.
From a business perspective, using social media for business is a must. People have mobile phones and are more educated regarding shopping and services due to social media and the reviews people post. It can be both a curse and a blessing. You can definitely grow your business and produce customers, but one disgruntled client, customer or employee posts negative comments bashing your business and the flood gates of hell are opened. Most of these posts are not displayed by a fellow business owner. They know the damage that can be done – most are shared by people who have never owned a business and have no idea what goes into opening one. I can only assume that these disgruntled people think these owners are wealthy, fat cats, living the high life. It’s not true in small business America. Mostly, business owners have found a way to create their own job, pour their hearts and souls into opening this business for others to enjoy, just to have someone sitting at a keyboard try to destroy it. Revenge and retaliation is the goal.
Whether someone personally attacks a post on social media, or they attack a business, what is the purpose behind it? Ask yourself, what am I going to gain by saying these derogatory comments for all to see? Can someone have an opinion that differs from mine? Why can’t I have an opinion that differs from theirs? Could I learn something if I listen, or put away my biases, to see something from another’s point of view? Why do I feel the need to air my dirty laundry for all to see?
Here’s an example of what an individual, or group of individuals, have done to bring a business, product or service to us:
First, there needs to be an idea or a thought formulated to create a business. Then, depending on the business and its complexity, it can take time to develop a business plan. Who will be a part of this business, will you have partners? There may be special licensing to obtain, and that can take considerable time to secure. Now, try to find just the right location for your business. Location, location, location, they say, so that’s extremely important. Financing then becomes the forefront issue – how will this business be funded, using credit? This could be just for securing the building! Most likely. Banks, bankers, loan originators, processers, underwriters all need to be involved. This is a very stressful, drawn out process and only the strong survive! However, 9 times out of 10, they will most likely want you to have money down or “skin in the game” to make sure you work this business and are committed to its success. Some people put their personal possessions up as collateral, take loans out on their homes to secure the loan, ON TOP OF using their savings and maybe retirement accounts to put cash on the line. It can be risking everything they have saved or borrowed.
Okay, so all that gets handled and you work with the local small business organization giving you direction, the township regulators with the special zoning requirements, tax assessors to see what your obligations will be, lawyers to draw up certain agreements or contracts. Maybe it’s a franchise operation…. You’ve got franchisees to meet with and sign contracts with. You’ve gotten all this handled and that’s just the beginning! Will you need employees? Most businesses do, so making sure you meet all the regulations with regard to insurances, taxes, LARA and OSHA standards to meet. You’ve come a long way baby and you’re finally ready to open! That’s a very simplified list of things to do, but in no way does it include the time and money necessary to follow through.
It’s important to understand that human beings run these businesses and while owners strive to stay on top of everything occurring within their establishment, it’s not always possible. Think before you post negativity. Where is this coming from? Are you frustrated with yourself, circumstances, or maybe your place in the world? Look within first. Try catching yourself before posting these things. Here’s the part where there’s something in this for you….. If you slowly start noticing when you’re having these negative, degrading behaviors toward others, and are able to stop yourself – your own level of happiness will improve. Because listen, if you have this dagger-type personality where you have to attack people, sometimes total strangers, stepping back could give you access to something. If you view yourself as someone who is wronged by a business and perceive this as a personal attack on yourself, this breeds more of this hate culture we have going on. But, when you step back and dissect it out, there’s an access to something for you. When you stop and logically think something through, you can see businesses are being run by people who aren’t the owner often times, and employees are in various stages of training. Maybe that person is working short because your son or daughter called in. Ahhhh…. Then there’s that! Maybe some other customer berated them before you and they’re flustered. Any number of things can be an issue. Same way in people’s personal lives – maybe they’re going through a hard time at home, or any number of things. Businesses evolve, people evolve. In the scheme of things, there’s more to life than this. If you do these things and sit in judgment of others to the point where you are adding to and causing discourse in people’s lives, you’re costing yourself true happiness and joy. It’s a high price to pay.
Here’s an example of someone who just couldn’t see how she was being in life…. One winter, my family and I went to Florida and rented a condominium. It was a pretty big place and had a pool, like most do in Florida. Anyway, I noticed a large population of senior citizens enjoying their retirement in this building. It didn’t take long for me to figure out who had visitors and who was mostly alone. I remember thinking to myself, this is interesting, I wonder why. Then, while I pulled up a chair to sit close to the edge of the pool to keep a closer eye on my kids swimming – I had already been swimming and was warming up – (See, ever present to those areas that can inflame someone)! One of the “condo-commandos” who always seemed to be sitting alone, went to the office to report me, sent the office lady to point out an infraction I’d committed by sitting too close to the pool. She proceeded to point out the bylaws of why I couldn’t sit that close to the pool, yada yada… There is a lesson to be learned here – This is why she was alone. I was making sure I could get to my child if something happened, but she saw I was breaking some bylaw. This is the result of being a condo commando, always having to control people instead of looking in the mirror. It may sound harsh, but we won’t make progress until each person takes stock of their own way of being.
In the social media world, judging, demeaning, devaluing or discrediting another person’s opinions or ideas about some random thought they’re having, is not your place in life – never has been and never will be. Mind your business and become the best you can be.
Yes, there’s such thing as Freedom of Speech, but with our freedom comes responsibility. If your intention is to harm someone, stop and think first – don’t spread hate and gossip. Let me say this again, if your INTENTION is to harm someone, stop and think first – don’t spread hate and gossip. Some of us are free to drive a motor vehicle, and we can stop at a local tavern and have a drink. But, the minute we get in our vehicle to drive, we have responsibility. No freedoms are void of responsibility.
Earlier this year, I was told not to post certain things I was sharing. Because I didn’t want to offend anyone, I agreed to delete them.
PROJECT IDEA: Do a reality check, look yourself in the mirror, would you want to be around you? Do you think berating someone, or multiple someone’s, and businesses on social media is your source of entertainment? Your fight or flight hormones are raging, and then you take that negative perspective and attitude, as justifiable as you think you may be, and interact with your family and friends. The next time you see a post that you want to comment on, ask is this necessary, is it harmful, and is it kind? If not, and you have nothing encouraging to say, then scroll by. Watch your own level of happiness increase and the relationships in your life improve. Honestly, we can change the world one person at a time.
Here are some random quotes I’ve noticed lately. While I love the creativity of some of the meme-makers of the world, the fact that they are being circulated, means the need is there. Here are a few that caught my eye:
Christian Bale: “If you have a problem with me, call me. If you don’t have my number then that means you don’t know me well enough to have a problem.’
@mypositiveoutlooks: “Your circle should want to see you win. Your circle should clap loudly when you have good news. If not, get a new circle.”
@mypositiveoutlooks: “Your loyalty is to people who uplift and enhance your life. It is never to people who return your kindness with harm and injury to your soul.”
@powerofpositivity: “Don’t sacrifice your time for people who wouldn’t do the same for you.”
@powerofpositivity: “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”
@powerofpositivity: “My Mom told me… A person who values you, wouldn’t ever put themselves in a position to lose you. And that really hit deep.”
@lawofattraction000: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
@lawofattraction000: “The best people I know are always evaluating and improving themselves. The unhappy people are usually evaluating and judging others.”