In this post, I may stir up some pretty unpopular reactions. As parents, isn’t our number one job to produce happy, well-adjusted, contributing, successful young adults?? If this hasn’t been your goal, hit the reset button and fast! If you’ve been coasting along, just letting the chips fall as they may, operating this plane on auto-pilot, catching up on the latest binge-worthy Netflix or HULU show every night…I’ve got a bit of harsh reality for you. Pay now or pay later – as I’ve explained in a previous blog or two. Well, here is your WAKE UP CALL!
If you’re lucky enough to have younger children and haven’t lost much ground, great. Have them help around the house, and make it a game or a competition between siblings AND their friends. Make yourself a little army of helpers. It takes a little management, but pay now or pay later. Keep reminding yourselves this. This is something you can scale up or down, according to the ages of the kids you’re working with, make it age appropriate.
First, make an index card recipe box of rewards that don’t have to cost money if that’s an issue – it can be a walk to the neighborhood park or a weekend picnic with their friends. Add to this box a section for chores, as a punishment. You may think this sounds like bribery, but think about this – life will always be handing them rewards or punishments. For example – a reward can be in the form of a grade on a paper or project, or a star or stickers on the graph in their classroom, all the way to a paycheck for coming to work. Punishments are also part of life. A trip to the chore box to pull out the next chore card, losing that night of TV or playing video games, a friend’s visit being cancelled…the list is endless. The main objective is to find what motivates YOUR child or this group of children, pre-teens, or teens.
Keeping them focused on the task at hand is paramount to having pride in accomplishing that goal. If we speed in our car, we get a smiling police officer in our window with a fat ticket, or we may lose that job because of our attitude, or maybe that friendship with someone special. The lesson to be taught is that the ramifications of our actions can be catastrophic – like drinking and driving as we enter the teen spectrum. LIFE IS FULL OF REWARDS AND PUNISHMENTS – they may as well understand early, or as early as possible, ways to elicit the best from the adults in their world.
It can be as simple as picking up toys and putting them away, wiping them down first and sanitizing them (Covid rules), and organizing their play area. The main goal here is yes, a clean house – but more so, organized environments create organized minds. I called this game POWER HOUR, after a close friend and I used to do this when accomplishing a list of errands. I still use this today in my own life! I’ve got X number of things to get done and I time myself and do as much as I can in an hour. The key with our children is to make it fun, add an element of game to it – put on a timer in the kitchen and focus on one room (or section of the room depending on the level of mess). Make a quick score card, or chart that doesn’t have to be fancy, and have them keep score. Parents, please be diligent about the rewards and punishments. If the reward card says a trip to the ice cream shop (or small ice cream social in your backyard), make it happen! If the punishment is going to the chore box, stick to it and make sure that chore gets done. Mark it on the chart to keep track.
The whole point of this blog is to stimulate you and your spouse, or partner, to work with your children closely – make it a fun family event and do it together. This could be cleaning the garage, cleaning up the dishes after dinner, or even folding laundry. Life works better when we help each other and there is more time to do the things we want to do – maybe a camping trip that weekend! Start to create teamwork. As a family consultant, I can tell you there’s nothing more important than making your family your team.
When we are diligent about this throughout the younger years, your job will be much easier as they get older. If you’re late to this party, maybe you have been on auto-pilot, and now realize that time is getting away from you, it’s never too late. Pick up wherever you are and get started. If your children are more toward the pre-teen age, say 11-13, have them feed, train, and walk the pets or pick up the yard of fall leaves or help with a home project. The goal is to complete the task in a timely fashion. Depending on the size of the project, could be an hour to a months’ long remodel project. Keep them focused on the end result. This is where their self-esteem comes into play. They can FEEL the joy and accomplishment of finishing something and being rewarded by that. By the way, not everything deserves a reward, just like not everything deserves a punishment. No need to be the family police officer, nit picking every little detail. You’ll lose ‘em fast if you do this.
If you own a business let them see what it is you do and let them see what working life looks like. If you’re an important employee in another business, show them the sacrifices that need to be made when you’re accountable. You may have to cancel something that was planned. If so, check your attitude about it. You are setting the stage for the rest of their working lives!! Take responsibility in how you communicate with your children about WORK. Please teach them skills to become successful in whatever they choose to do, in whatever capacity they choose.
A wonderful program in Michigan is 4-H MSU Extension. There are so many facets to this and ways to get involved – I’ve also mentioned this in a previous blog. It’s run by various ages of kids in all categories of office, like secretary, treasurer, project coordinators, presenters, etc. Get info in your area if you haven’t already, you won’t regret it. What they’re providing is a way to learn responsibility and accountability.
In the workforce today, a serious problem has been identified. Parents, here is where your diligence must show up. There is a literal pandemic of sorts going on at the entry level of employment, in that there is very little accountability. These young adults aren’t showing up for their shifts, which causes business owners serious issues in staffing. Businesses depend on young adults to operate, and in some cases, be their first impression of whatever business it is. If we as families want places to go to for fast food, small business shops, the go-cart place, to the larger big box stores, and even amusement parks, drycleaners, workout places and gyms, etc…these businesses depend on our young adults to not only show up, but to represent us in the best possible light.
We as parents must get a few things straight. When our children become young adults and either near the age of 18 or somewhere in that vicinity, I hope to heck you’ve done your job up until now instilling in them commitment, dependability, and accountability. I can’t stress this enough that if you’re struggling in this department, reach out to me at annekesler25@gmail.com for ideas and to discuss how to implement some direction for them and you. Don’t assume your job is done! Make sure you know your young adult’s work schedule – check in with them. I don’t care if they feel intruded on or if their privacy is being violated. Too bad. Make sure they understand the responsibility that comes with being an adult in a working capacity. It doesn’t matter how trivial the job may seem. I remember working at a country club as an early job and looking back on it, I learned how to properly entertain and setting a beautiful table for guests. I learned how to talk to successful and high achieving adults. I learned respect and to be accountable for my mistakes. Don’t fall short and fail to be their beacon – show them what sacrifices must be made. Do the things that others aren’t willing to do. No job is too menial, there is something to be learned, stepping stones to climb, bridges to be built.
As a family and lifestyle consultant, you can trust me to guide you through life’s most challenging moments. Whether it’s parenting, divorce, or aging parents, I’ve been through it all. I can help.
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