Today’s families are not the typical nuclear families of yesteryear. At least that’s what mainstream America wants us to believe. The media, whether it be on television shows or commercials, magazines, or most advertising venues, are depicting perfect looking family pictures or scenes, as if it’s the truth. It’s the smiling, happy, in the kitchen cooking and cleaning, Mom, and the dad smiling, happy, mowing the lawn and barbequing, kids smiling, happy, clean face and hands, and hugging their siblings – it’s all so perfect! Everyone gathered around their extended family, aunts, uncles, grand kids and grandparents all living according to some rosy ideology, all smiling without a care in the world. Just buy some product and you too can somehow have it all! We may not always have that, if at all. I know in my family, some 75 years ago, my mom was in large part raised by her great aunt and uncle on a farm. She had parents who were involved, but they were caring for a relative with polio, and they thought she was too difficult of a child for them to handle. She had an extended family It’s no different than the picture perfect bodies shown on magazine covers and fitness advertising that give young women this unrealistic view of what our bodies “should” look like. I’m here to blow these myths right out of the water.
For 50+ years, I knew cousins and friends who were raised by single moms, grandparents, or older siblings. Some struggled financially, emotionally, and physically, but did the best they could with what they knew. Utilizing some of the skills I picked up along the way, most of which I will share with you as we go along, I was able to raise two successful, happy, emotionally stable children, (now young adults), mostly on my own. So, whatever your family make up is, accept it and move forward. If it’s not what you had intended or planned, and you’ve been upset with yourself, maybe even punishing yourself, forget it. Forgive yourself! Regardless of mistakes you feel you may have made, we’ve all made them. There is no perfect parent, and surely, no perfect kids! A saying by Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr comes to mind, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” Don’t try to fix or change anything. Accept it as it is, and from there you can create from a clean slate!
Forgiveness is truly for us, as it gives a powerful platform to stand on, and takes away the victim mentality. On the flip side of forgiving yourself as a parent who may have made mistakes along the way, we have parents who, maybe in our eyes, made mistakes too. You know what I’m talking about… Your mom and/or dad weren’t the best parents… Maybe they worked too many hours, or were dysfunctional in other ways… Perhaps your dad was an alcoholic, or your mom was emotionally unavailable. The list could be endless, and it could even be horrific. There could have been atrocious things that you may have endured, like abuse, poverty, addictions, etc. Ok? You see my point. Forgive them! Whether they are alive or passed away, learn to forgive. You may have to forgive over and over. They are who they are, and who they aren’t for you.
I will spend my next few blog posts on creating this space of forgiveness, which leads to creativity. Creating a life where there’s love and acceptance, creating space to be who you are and who your family is for you. We have to start at the beginning and clear out things that hold us back. Here’s a quick homework project: I recommend starting a journal and taking a few moments to write down as many things as you can about your family life while growing up. The good, the bad, and the ugly! What worked well as a family and what you thought didn’t work well. Email me at stonybeachsales@gmail.com if you need any help or guidance.